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Updated: Apr 5, 2022

King City Online ©

Manchester has been officially crowned the ‘Second City’ by the UK’s not in the least bit incompetent and corrupt government. Despite only coming in at 12th largest city by population, Manchester’s music heritage, boasting Freddie & the Dreamers and Herman’s Hermits, allied to its culinary offer (Roy’s Rolls, The Bistro, Betty's hotpot, Speed Daal), and it’s world-renowned knicker industry (Underworld) won the day.

Birmingham’s cultural offer - the city invented heavy metal, Prog rock, Grindcore and Bhangra, and gave Odeon cinemas, celluloid, Tolkien, WH Auden, Peaky Blinders and the Industrial Revolution to the world, as well as the balti and five Michelin-starred restaurants that actually exist - was not enough to swing it.

When asked what he thought about the ‘second city’ title, a random Brummie said “I can’t choose between London and Liverpool”.

Manchester City, which has been crowned Champions at having the most money on multiple occasions since its formation in 2008, was delighted by the news.

Aston Villa, which invented league football and sold two-goal Brummie Joe Grealish to City in return for a hundred million actual English pounds, stifled a giggle and declined to comment, whilst Pep Guardiola sprang to the defence of the expensive flop, saying “He’s really dangerous (driving) in (to) training”.





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